01
Dec
2018
Do I own myself?
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01 December 2018
I sometimes feel bone-tired not just physically but also mentally. There are times when I wonder if this life is even worth living. I feel like I am working and working to pay bills and to have something to eat. Is this even living?I sometimes feel like I don't even own my life, as if I don't own myself.
My family own it. They own everything.
Expectations piling up on my shoulders, one after another.
Then another.
Then another.
I am earning money yet it makes me feel guilty to spend it on myself. I am working my ass off yet it seems I don't even have a right to it.
My mom and I had a conversation about a work-related meet-up where I can get free drinks. And she warns me about getting used to it.
I am 30.
I am 30.
I am 30.
I will drink if I want to.
She is my mom.
This is my body.
She has to know that I own my body.
This is mine.
She cannot take it from me.
I am not a child.
I work every day.
I provide what I am supposed to.
But this is my body. I will do what I want with it.
I am 30 and I know what's right and wrong.
This is my life and I should have a say in it.
This is my body and not anyone's.
Yet it feels like I cannot declare ownership over it.
I am tired.
I am exhausted.
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